Beyond Aurora

So……

I watched the first two episodes of Game of Thrones with my dad (who bought the blu-ray and who fell asleep somewhere during the second episode after fanboying all throughout the first episode).

I am not yet sure if I like it or not. Sure, it does appeal to me but it is so full of things I dislike that I’m not so confident I’ll make it through without having to resort to angry and frustrated pop-corn eating. Most of the characters seem like asses. I want to toss them off a cliff or something. Aaargh. But it does get emotion out of me. I’m just not sure if I can make it through a series on rage alone.

Anyway, kinda like Mr. “dirty, fluffy hair and sad face”. Not unexpected at all but maybe that’ll change when I’ve seen more than two episodes *lol*

Now back to SPN fanfiction, just that more elaborate typing might be a problem with a cat on my forearms. Oh, he read that, now he’s gone *lol* (Herkules likes looking into the computer screen with me. He was totally enraptured by a Destiel vid I was watching this morning. Interesting)

La la, back to business

I spent another couple of hours reading fanfiction and clicking it shut towards the end (?) because for silly Steffi reasons. It’s a bit sad that I never will know how certain stories are resolved, but that’s just the price I have to pay for being my special snowflake self.

I want to be a shipping hippie like Anni too and with pairing not involving Castiel I’m not thaaaaat picky (though I don’t feel like reading stuff without Castiel in them a lot).

I’m gonna do the therapeutic thing before I’ll embarrass myself any further with my meagre tolerance for top!Castiel. I’m going to write fanfiction. I really miss finishing something and being able to post it. But everything I think about writing turns out to be Big Bang sized or just too random to finish.

(P.S. I don’t even want to know what’s going on in the SPN Gerüchteküche. It’s still months and months until we get season 8 after all and I don’t want to ruin my anticipation.)

Hah, so I do like DGM still

Hah, so I “read” (using the term liberally, seeing as looking at a Chinese scanlation does not qualitfy as “read”) the next DGM chapter…

And I must say I was intrigued? I had no expectations whatsoever, which probably helped a great deal. I don’t care much for the flashback or whatever but there’s one scene (makes me wonder how many lives Johnny has and if he’s finally used them up) in there and the apparent characterization of Nea… Goodness. That gave me pleasant chills! :D :D

Because on one hand I like straight forward good characters, no moral ambiguity at all from times to times. But the characters I like most are those that want to do good, but are so far into the grey zone that everybody else starts to think they’re on the villains’ (or their own) side. Sure, Nea’s not that, he doesn’t seem morally ambiguous, but I like where this leaves Allen as his host. And Allen’s the one I cared about, the one that wants to do the right thing, the one that cares about the little things he can do even though it won’t serve the bigger picture, the one that is so kind in the face of agony, hate and betrayal.

Ultimately, I think I’m interested by the potential that arises from this chapter, not the actual chapter itself. Very much like I’ve been in love with SPN season 7 finale because where it left us.

Hm. Oh no. Don’t do this to me DGM! I’m at my most vulnerable now in the void left by the SPN hiatus! ;____;

I’ll go clean the floor, that’s going to screw my head back on right.

I’m using your reply to figure out how reblogging replies works X3 If it works.

It’s great to hear you’re proud of your own writing. I’m really curious to read the whole thing^^ Why exactely - apart from it being a nice episode - are you re-watching 6X20? I thought Debby had already seen it?

Yes, I’m not always proud of my writing, but when scenes work out like I hoped they would I’m happy~ But the pacing is still potentially problematic.

Debby had not seen it, we stopped at 6x19 and it took me three weeks of pestering to get her to watch it with me *lol* 

Sometimes, when I watch this with other people who do not have the same emotional reactions I do I wonder if I’m watching this the wrong way. Or if it’s wrong to see something as decisive to character development because my shipping wants it to be decisive. And maybe I’m totally biased, but I still think the Winchesters and Bobby were asses in this episode even though I could understand part of Dean’s reaction (understand but not agree with it.) :C

P.S. Debby kept saying “uuuh, Sam/Castiel” and “Sam and Castiel have sex” while I was having a Dean/Castiel moment. What the hell?! So distracting…!!!!!

Sooooo. Doing stuff and preparing

I finally finished reading up on what I’ve already written for the D/C BB and… it’s not unsalvagable. It’s not even bad. Sure, not brilliant and maybe one or the other reader will fall asleep in front of the screen, but there are things in there I’m proud of. And that alone is reason enough to go on.

My policy about writing generally is; if I have a story to tell I will tell it. If there is at least one person listenting, I’ll go on.

And there must be at least another person out there who wants to read the stuff I’m writing, at least one person out there who shares my rather special tastes.

So, prep talk aside I was actually able to make some progress even though it’s not remarkable. After writing, I realized that I went down the same road like the series; have Dean talk about Castiel with someone else. Maybe this sounds lazy or silly but it actually was easier than trying to make Dean find the rights words when facing Castiel directly. Now I have a Dean that was able to form his thoughts concerning Castiel in somewhat proper sentences. Yes, good. Not entirely sure where that ones going to end up at, but it was a nice scene. X3 There I go again, unorganized and unplanned writing. Anyway, I did what I learnt from paper writing; stop in the middle of a scene where I know how to go on.

So here I am now, doing some mixture between whining and ranting about writing -

While I mentally and emotionally prepare to rewatch The Man who Would be King with Debby.

Argh. The agony, I feel it already! ;________________________;

Well, there are a couple of good things about watching it with Debby apart from watching it in German *lol* A) she likes Castiel so she’ll probably feel with me and B) she ships Wincest. So my “this is the worst break up in the history of ever!” will probably be cushioned by her not fuelling it. Like Marzi did. Me and Marzi didn’t even get through the episode. XD

Okay, that was my emotional preparing. It totally failed. I’m even more worked up now. Lovely, lovely episode. You’re going to make me want to eat ice cream. :C

First day off

So, this is semester break. Doesn’t really feel like much…

I spent most of the day fulfilling my big sister with a BA in English literature duties; help my sis with her Wuthering Heights presentation.
(I still greatly dislike almost all characters in this book. Heathcliff and Cathy are such assbutts that I Sam-face even thinking about them)

Apart from that I’ve been unusually reblog happy thanks to it being “We Love Misha Collins Day”.

Anyway, whining now: I’m still struggling with my BB story… It’s just not progressing. I’ve re-read the beginning and think “not bad, not bad” and then I think about the wall I’ve driven this into and get discouraged. I think the development of the charas’ emotional landscape is not smooth enough. It feels slightly artificial or forced. My totally unreliable “I don’t give you any emotional evaluation of the situation if I don’t have to” narrator isn’t exactly easy on me. I knew that it would be difficult to write this story, especially with my limited experience within this fandom and the scope of what I actually wanted to achieve, but mah……. Also, I checked my “stories I want to write” document and I’ve been incredibly silly in picking the one to develop into a BB story. There is says something like “provisory title? lol” with some very basic idea for a story preceeded by a “very vague idea”. Great. >w< The problem with the stories born out of my very vague ideas is that they usually turn into epics because I don’t know what I’m doing! I just want to write, write, go on, look how far this vague concept can get me and then I hit the wall where I no longer know how to get from where the writing landed me to the end I had in mind *lol*

In the end, this struggling’ll only make it more rewarding once I’m done because I learn quite a lot :D (even if I’ll have to drink amazing amounts of tea to get there)

P.S. Yay! I’ll order the SPN Season 2 blu-ray tomorrow~ I’m looking forwards to it (and the last episode of Season 1. Rewatching is great! Now that I’m not that scared anymore. No. I’m still scared *lol*)